RAGE

Something happened Saturday night (I can't say exactly what) but it is making really go crazy. I hate it, I can't stand it, I want to punch someone, I want to throw my body against a wall to wake up and hope this is a dream, I knew it would happen and yet I feel sooo stupid for allowing it to. I just KNEW one day this day would come. I have so much hate, anger, sadness, regret, hurt, shock, madness, and so many other things inside me that need to come out. Needless to say...the treadmill got a huge beating today. Ran so long and so hard...and yet I still don't feel like any of that energy is released. I'm just so mad at myself because this is just seriously the icing on the cake (which I've been building for years) and it just breaks me down and it really has destroyed me today. I can't even get out my thoughts about it because they are so jumbled up in my head but mainly my heart is hurting. I should always listen to my intuition...I'm NEVER wrong when it comes to stuff like this, never! Whenever I doubt something...there's a good darn reason why I do! I am just furious and extremely hurt! I honestly don't know how to handle this either because in times past when this stuff has happened...it never has turned out well for me.