I have tried to ignore and put aside all these thoughts and feelings because Matt gets mad when I bring it up...but I just feel like Matt doesn't think about me the same anymore. I feel like all day I've been texting him (he is at home for Thanksgiving) and I just feel like he is short with me, won't text me back for a long time, won't ask ME any questions...then tonight was just the topping of it all. He told me that he was watching the game so he couldn't talk (on facebook). I asked what game and it wasn't even a Carolina game. It just really put into perspective how he thinks about me. He doesn't want to even talk to me, ask about my day, find out what I did etc...he wants to watch a team, Duke, play. He hates duke. But yet he wants to watch something he hates over talking to me...wow! He must really not want to talk to me. It just bothers me soo much and I can't tell anymore because if I share it with my parents, well they will go back to not liking him and we all know how that goes...horrible! And Christina doesn't really understand...plus she hasn't even been home much, and well, that's pretty much it for people I'd talk to about it. I just hate this feeling of him not loving me/caring about me. I just really hate it soooo soooo much. I want things back to normal. I don't think I'm freaking myself out, I don't think I have no reason to not think this, I feel like I have valid points and he just thinks i'm blowing smoke pretty much. UGHHH!!!!! This just makes me so sad!
My grandmom feel on her face today and had to be rushed to the hospital. She was walking down the hallway and just lost her balance and completely feel flat on her face. My dad went to be with her..they did x-ray's and nothing was broken. Her face looks like it was just completely beaten up with a baseball bat, and her wrist is really swollen. It breaks my dad's heart to see her in that condition. He gets so many calls about her each week, and he doesn't feel like she will be around much longer. :-( It makes me feel guilty I haven't seen her in literally years when she lives right down the road basically. I just don't want to see her in that condition, I want to remember her as the vibrant, young, alert, active, talkative, grandmother that was always trying to give me orange soda and sugar by the tablespoons when I had the hiccups. I hate, I mean despise, seeing people I love in bad condition. Seeing my Grandad die of lung cancer was awful...I still remember him laying in that hospital bed with no hair, pale, and couldn't even hold a necklace in his hands he was so weak. That's NOT how I want to remember my grandparents.
Tomorrow I'm helping mom cook thanksgiving dinner. I'm excited actually to be with her and learn some of her recipes and traditions. I am not looking forward to eating a huge meal, but we all know why! It should be really fun though. Ginger and Gregg are coming, Grandmom is coming, and Matt will be here. I can't wait to spend time with everyone. I haven't seen Ginger and Gregg in forever. Tomorrow night Matt and I are going shopping at midnight...yup with all the crazy people who act like there will be no more xmas presents left after that night. We are doing it just to say we have done it. I'm excited about it..but at the same time...I love my sleep! I'm gonna be so tired tomorrow night...I just know it and I'm not gonna wanna go. I think Matt and I should just go to target and call it a night lol.
Being home has been so nice. I know it's only been like 24 hours..but it has been so relaxing. I need a break. My stupid Marketing teacher decided we should have a test on Monday though, so I have to study this weekend which SUCKS! And I have Accounting homework. What are these teachers thinking?! Obviously they AREN'T thinking!
Dad and I were talking today about my future. He thinks I should go ahead and get my MBA, or just work for him. I just wanna work honestly...I need a break from school maybe one day I'll go back and get my MBA! The classes seem really interesting though. I'd really enjoy them! We will see where and what happens to me in the next few weeks!
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