Annoyed

Last night I tried talking to Matt about someones story of, I guess you could call it, hardship? I explained to him this person's story of how they got into drugs and came through it and gave the glory to God. He just gets so defensive about it. He was like "is this another one of your friends that got into drugs and are all better now and now they are posting it to the world on facebook?!" He was very sarcastic about it. I explained to him what happened and all and he just goes on to tell me how he doesn't feel bad for anyone who gets into drugs because they ultimately chose to do it the first time. Which yes, that is true but I still feel bad for someone who is addicted to something. In this case it started by pills to enhance performance given to him by his coach. This is someone he trusted and knew really well...how could he have known that one drug would have lead him to cocaine and other things? Then Matt said that the guy on sports center he felt bad for...why?! Because he was a sport person! Anything to do with sports Matt thinks is the greatest. I'm pretty sure if ESPN was to tell people to go use heroin Matt would do it. That's how much in love he is with ESPN and sports. It makes me really angry though because I never talk to him about anything anymore because I never get any sort of positive response with him. All he wants to talk about is work or sports. Like seriously that is IT! He never asks how I'm doing, what I did that day, how I am just overall, or anything! He doesn't even care. I honestly feel like he doesn't want to be with me anymore. He has just no interest in me what so ever. I really don't know why it changed. But he seems very content just being who he is and not caring about anything but what he wants. He'd be fine without me because he'd work all day and watch sports at night. Why does he need me in his life then? Why does anyone need me in their life? I guess I don't understand the urge to walk in the door and turn the TV on to check a score like its just this huge event! I don't understand it at all! He says that all guys are like that...well I'm sorry, he is wrong! Not all guys are like that. Yes there are guys who watch sports, but do they have their lives revolve around it? No! They actually care about their family and friends as well. It really scares me how into the games he gets. Like he just gets in a zone that is very unhealhty and not natural. It just really bothers me, and he doesn't care one bit!!!

I had another pretty boring weekend. I was sick kinda still on Friday night so I just relaxed and did nothing, but Saturday I felt really good and wanted to actually do something...but Matt of course didn't. He had to work Saturday so I didn't see him until 2:00 anyways, but after that he just slept all day and watched football. I wanted to do something that night, like go out, because I only have a few weekends left at school to do things like that before I'm back home and it just becomes a hassle with driving and all that...but no Matt wanted to stay in. So we did. Then yesterday was just basically for studying. So..needless to say..another weekend wasted at HPU. I might as well just move home now because it's not like I'm getting anything out of living on campus. Christina is gone alot or she is with Zach and they just do things together (which is good, I'm happy for her) but still I end up alone alot and it's no fun!

Mom and dad are "worried" about me again. They think I'm "noticeable" thinner. Well DUH, I've lost weight but I'm not a just bones walking around. I could afford to lose another 10 pounds and be fine. No one would even notice. My parents just always stare me down and notice every pound I lose or gain. Everyone else though would just think nothing. It's not like they'd even look at me and be like, "She is too thin." No one's ever said that to me except my parents and sister..which makes me not believe them! If I really were "too thin" other people would say stuff to. So, I dont care nor am I listening to them about gaining weight back! I don't want to so I'm not! They don't care about anything else in my life except what I weigh so why should I all the sudden think they are just SOO concerned and I should evaluate myself? No!!! Not happening!!!