Does He Care?

This has been bothering me all morning:

Last night Matt and I were watching Seven Pounds. If you aren't familiar with the ending the main character (Will Smith) kills himself by putting jelly fish in the ice cold bath water and he gets in. Matt said some comment about how he wanted a jelly fish or something and I just said, well if I kill myself I'm just going to take a bunch of pills. He was like "Sarah, stop!" I proceeded to tell him that I often think of suicide and how I would go about it if I ever did go through it (NOT THAT I WOULD!!!) but when I'm really depressed and in that mindset, I really think the world would be better off without me. Anyways, that's a whole other posting. What really made me hurt, I guess is the word, is that all he said was "Well, don't think those things." I was shocked, here his girlfriend, the one he supposedly LOVES and cares about SOO much is talking about killing herself and all he has to say is "Don't think about it." I let it go because I figured maybe he was just tired or something and would bring it up this morning...but nope he didn't. Then, this morning my ex sent me a chat on facebook telling me how he has a really bad disease and is undergoing chemotherapy/radiation and all this stuff. Being the nice, honest, sweet girlfriend I am..I told Matt I was talking to him because I don't want to hide anything from Matt or make him feel like I'm going behind his back. I told Matt what he said about how he is sick and all. All Matt could say was "well I'm sure you are going to just talk to him all morning." "He is only telling you because he wants you to feel sorry for him and then you'll give him attention." Then after I said, "Matt wow, you are being ridiculous. He has cancer/a disease that could take his life and all he wants is prayers!" He said, "Well what kind of cancer is it?!" I told him and then explained what happens in the body, and he said, "Well is it caused by smoking?" He knows Tyler smoked and probably was thinking "well he brought it on himself." Well, no it wasn't caused by smoking and even if it was it is still very painful for someone to go through something like that. I watched my granddad die from lung cancer that was directly related to smoking. I saw him go through everything. It is heartbreaking. He fought that cancer so hard and I'll never forget the last days of his life he couldn't even talk but yet he looked at me and mom said he was saying he loved me through his eyes. He adored my sister and I, especially me! It is sooo difficult to watch someone go through something like this and until Matt sees it first hand, he won't understand the pain and suffering that these people endure. Chemo is such a strong drug and once it enters your system, you have nothing left. Granddad would be so sick, he was so weak, so tired, he wasn't himself anymore, and Matt doesn't even care. He can be so cold hearted sometimes. I know he doesn't like Tyler, but you still should have sympathy for someone. My gosh!

Anyways, soo...getting to my point (I know this is long) but I really just found it so interesting that when I told Matt last night about me thinking I should kill myself, he had pretty much nothing to say. He didn't care, he didnt seem sad, upset, or anything that I was that depressed I thought about it and often (Again, let me emphasize, I am not, nor will I act upon these thoughts). But when I tell him I'm talking to Tyler, he gets so upset, he texts me non-stop about how I'll be talking all morning..he says more to me about him than when I told him last night I wanted to be dead. Why does he care who I talk to if he doesn't care whether I'm dead or alive? I don't understand...and it makes me very angry with him. I don't know if angry is the right word...but I am disappointed he wouldn't care more about me after 3 years of dating I guess. If he told me what I told him, my gosh I'd still be talking to him. I feel like if I told anyone this they would at least say something like, "well please don't kill yourself!" At least I'd hope...but I could be wrong!