I love this time of year. I love the warm feeling of being home, the laughs my family and Matt has together, the smell of winter, the brisk air in the mornings, the sun shining so bright during the day, drinking coffee all day long because it's cold outside, the smells of winter candles (which I'm burning right now). I just love how everyone is in such a good mood and happy. I feel like people get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life and they never stop to think about the things that matter most: family, friends, loved ones, and just spending time together. I will never forget the saying from an old man, "You won't look back and regret not working as much, you'll look back and regret not spending enough time with your loved ones." < That is so true. I feel like I don't get to spend enough time with my dad especially. He works so much. He is always going down to the plant, even on Christmas he went down there. Not for long, but he went. I feel like it's a chore to him to spend time with me. He always has an excuse to why he can't be with me. On Monday we had to BEG him to come eat lunch with Christina and Mom and me. He finally decided he "could" come. It's just like the biggest challenge to get him to talk about anything but work. He doesn't ever want to talk at night. He wants to eat, then watch tv. He always says we will talk about things later in the morning, "over coffee" which never happens. I'm going to regret not being able to talk to him one day. I regret it now. I wish he had more time for me. I ask him about things all the time and he just says he can't talk about it right now or he doesn't want to get into it. It makes me sad. It really does. He is so emotionally absent from my life. He never asks about anything. He seems so mad every night when he comes home. He doesn't ever want to joke around or anything. Idk, I guess there's not much I can do at this point in life. Bottom line..I miss my dad!
My Christmas wasn't to great this year. I was looking so forward to these three boxes that had been under the tree for quite some time. Of course I opened them first because I'd be so anxious and puzzled at what it could be? I seriously could not figure it out. I opened the first box and they were curtains for my room. I was happy because they matched my bedding that I got this summer for my birthday. I was glad, I'd asked for them. Then I opened the second box, and it was MORE curtains for my room. Why my mom felt like I needed like 6 boxes of curtains (with two panels in each box) I don't know. I was alittle disappointed with that because I didn't need all those curtains. I needed two boxes of curtains, four panels would suit me just fine. So, excited about what the other box could have been, I opened it up...valances for the curtains...there were three boxes of those. I seriously don't know WHAT my mom was thinking when she ordered all this stuff. It totalled out to be $800.00 worth of curtains and valances. That was basically my present because I'd already gotten suits and dress clothes for my job..so I was kind of disappointed Christmas day she wasted so much money. I'm going to take them back. I kept two boxes of curtains and that was it. I don't want anything extra fancy and all...I just wanted curtains to match my bedding. I was very disappointed on Christmas. I'd really and truly thought I was getting a car. My dad had been hinting and joking with me about it for awhile. I'd sent him pictures and links all year long of cars I like and what I'd want. My mom even got the hint and talked to my dad, but he said they have to "talk later" about it. So on Christmas I asked if I could have the title to my car. I wanted the car in my name so I could then go trade it in for something I wanted. I'd seriously been thinking and thinking about this for 2 years. Its honestly ALL I've wanted [except a ring from matt ;-)] but I seriously was going to go and trade my car in this week. I want a new car SO bad. My dad got all defensive though saying I couldn't afford a car and car insurance and I should be patient. He said him and my mom wanted to help me out on a down payment but they'd want to wait until May when I walked (for graduation) and all this other stuff. He said I made him feel like he never did anything right because he didn't fulfill my wants and desires. That wasn't it at all. I simply asked for the title to my car to be signed over to me so I could go buy a car myself. I wasn't even asking for them to buy it. I appreciate him wanting to help me, but I don't want the help. He got so mad at me. He was just blowing up. I ended up in tears until pretty much 5:30 when Matt got to our house on Christmas night. I just didn't understand how he could get so mad at me SO fast? I took it very personal. He and my mom started fighting and it just made me so upset. Christmas night was fun though. It made it better. We went to my Aunts house and played a game and ate dinner then opened presents. It was good to see them and hang out with them. I wish we saw them more (just goes back to the whole regretting not spending more time with family) but life always gets in the way. So, that was my Christmas. It was 1/2 good, 1/2 bad. The whole car situation never got resolved. I gave up the fight. They still have the title, and I still can't buy myself a car. How stupid.
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