It's the Most Wonderful Time of Year!

I love this time of year. I love the warm feeling of being home, the laughs my family and Matt has together, the smell of winter, the brisk air in the mornings, the sun shining so bright during the day, drinking coffee all day long because it's cold outside, the smells of winter candles (which I'm burning right now). I just love how everyone is in such a good mood and happy. I feel like people get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life and they never stop to think about the things that matter most: family, friends, loved ones, and just spending time together. I will never forget the saying from an old man, "You won't look back and regret not working as much, you'll look back and regret not spending enough time with your loved ones." < That is so true. I feel like I don't get to spend enough time with my dad especially. He works so much. He is always going down to the plant, even on Christmas he went down there. Not for long, but he went. I feel like it's a chore to him to spend time with me. He always has an excuse to why he can't be with me. On Monday we had to BEG him to come eat lunch with Christina and Mom and me. He finally decided he "could" come. It's just like the biggest challenge to get him to talk about anything but work. He doesn't ever want to talk at night. He wants to eat, then watch tv. He always says we will talk about things later in the morning, "over coffee" which never happens. I'm going to regret not being able to talk to him one day. I regret it now. I wish he had more time for me. I ask him about things all the time and he just says he can't talk about it right now or he doesn't want to get into it. It makes me sad. It really does. He is so emotionally absent from my life. He never asks about anything. He seems so mad every night when he comes home. He doesn't ever want to joke around or anything. Idk, I guess there's not much I can do at this point in life. Bottom line..I miss my dad!

My Christmas wasn't to great this year. I was looking so forward to these three boxes that had been under the tree for quite some time. Of course I opened them first because I'd be so anxious and puzzled at what it could be? I seriously could not figure it out. I opened the first box and they were curtains for my room. I was happy because they matched my bedding that I got this summer for my birthday. I was glad, I'd asked for them. Then I opened the second box, and it was MORE curtains for my room. Why my mom felt like I needed like 6 boxes of curtains (with two panels in each box) I don't know. I was alittle disappointed with that because I didn't need all those curtains. I needed two boxes of curtains, four panels would suit me just fine. So, excited about what the other box could have been, I opened it up...valances for the curtains...there were three boxes of those. I seriously don't know WHAT my mom was thinking when she ordered all this stuff. It totalled out to be $800.00 worth of curtains and valances. That was basically my present because I'd already gotten suits and dress clothes for my job..so I was kind of disappointed Christmas day she wasted so much money. I'm going to take them back. I kept two boxes of curtains and that was it. I don't want anything extra fancy and all...I just wanted curtains to match my bedding. I was very disappointed on Christmas. I'd really and truly thought I was getting a car. My dad had been hinting and joking with me about it for awhile. I'd sent him pictures and links all year long of cars I like and what I'd want. My mom even got the hint and talked to my dad, but he said they have to "talk later" about it. So on Christmas I asked if I could have the title to my car. I wanted the car in my name so I could then go trade it in for something I wanted. I'd seriously been thinking and thinking about this for 2 years. Its honestly ALL I've wanted [except a ring from matt ;-)] but I seriously was going to go and trade my car in this week. I want a new car SO bad. My dad got all defensive though saying I couldn't afford a car and car insurance and I should be patient. He said him and my mom wanted to help me out on a down payment but they'd want to wait until May when I walked (for graduation) and all this other stuff. He said I made him feel like he never did anything right because he didn't fulfill my wants and desires. That wasn't it at all. I simply asked for the title to my car to be signed over to me so I could go buy a car myself. I wasn't even asking for them to buy it. I appreciate him wanting to help me, but I don't want the help. He got so mad at me. He was just blowing up. I ended up in tears until pretty much 5:30 when Matt got to our house on Christmas night. I just didn't understand how he could get so mad at me SO fast? I took it very personal. He and my mom started fighting and it just made me so upset. Christmas night was fun though. It made it better. We went to my Aunts house and played a game and ate dinner then opened presents. It was good to see them and hang out with them. I wish we saw them more (just goes back to the whole regretting not spending more time with family) but life always gets in the way. So, that was my Christmas. It was 1/2 good, 1/2 bad. The whole car situation never got resolved. I gave up the fight. They still have the title, and I still can't buy myself a car. How stupid.

Christmas Eve

Today is Christmas Eve. We went to see my grand mom (my dad's mom) this afternoon. I hadn't seen her in so long it is ridiculous and embarrassing how long it has been since I've seen her. She actually did really well today. She was engaged and pretty alert. She tried to make conversation which my dad says sometimes she just sits there and won't say anything at all. So seeing her more lively was a good thing. We took Gina (our dog) over there. That made her perk up alot. She talked to the dog and said some really funny things. We (my family and my dad's sister and husband) came back to the house for just a while. Then we went to dinner at the Country Club. The food wasn't good actually. It was all like casseroles and mushed up stuff. I like PLAIN things. I don't like my green beans in a casserole where it adds a thousand more unnecessary calories. The whole POINT in green beans is HEALTHY! DUH! So, needless to say I didn't eat that much.

I'm so annoyed right now though. I feel like my parents and family ignore everything I have to say. Nothing gets acknowledged, they all just ignore my words. I seriously don't understand what is wrong with me that I get overlooked ALL the time. I swear I'm like the ugly swan. No one wants to be around me or hear my voice or look at me. Its honestly how I feel. I feel like I'm the outcast and no good for anything. No one is happy for me about anything in my life. They all just think Christina is amazing. She just gets all the attention!

Well, I'm just so happy tonight! A night that should be fun isn't fun at all!

Not Good News

I don't have very good news. I have had alot of tooth pain since fall break. I just noticed I was really sensitive to cold things like grapes when I bite into them, cold drinks, or anything really. I went to the dentist finally on Monday and they said I have tooth recession. Which means the gum around my tooth has dropped down to where my root is exposed along with the nerves, hence why I feel so uncomfortable with cold things. I was sent to a specialist and actually got an appointment today. I have to have mouth surgery to fix it because the gums won't heal back to where they were. It is caused by 4 things: 1. braces (which I had) 2. Brushing your teeth really hard (which I do) 3. Using a whitening toothpaste (which I do) and 4. Genetics (which my grandmother has thin gums). SO...I'm really pretty much doomed to have this problem. I wish I'd know about this before so I could have taken the preventative measures like I was told about today. I have it all along the bottom teeth so I need to be extra careful or they could very well get lower as well. I have to get a sonicare toothbrush and brush with special toothpaste and all this stuff. I hope it helps with preventing it from getting worse. I am going to have to have surgery though for the gums on my bottom right side. I don't know when though because they are closed next week and I start my job January 2. I have no idea what my days off will be like and how many I'll get and when and all that good stuff..so I don't know when I can schedule to have this done. It's a pretty abrasive surgery. They take gum from the roof of my mouth and place it over the tooth that is exposed at the bottom where the gum is receding downwards. I'll have stitches and all. It is apparently painful.I can imagine. It hurts when i bite into something and burn the roof of my mouth. I'm nervous about it, but I don't know when it will happen so it makes it worse.

I'm getting really nervous about my job. I am so excited about it, but just the thought of this being a "real job" and my career scares me. I don't feel ready for this. I think everything is finally hitting me and sinking in. Graduating, moving home, getting a job, growing up...its all just hitting me like bricks. At first I was on a "high" from just finishing exams, packing up all my stuff, getting all my xmas shopping done, moving home, settling in, I was just super busy with everything and didn't even have time to really think about it all. Everything happend so fast, I had exams, I graduated, I got a job offer, I had to move home, pack and unpack, and do xmas shopping, all in like 3 days. Now things have settled down and its all just hitting me. I have so many emotions, I don't even know what they are honestly. I am just in a daze all the time. I don't feel "with it" or alive. I'm just like blah. Idk what is going on with me.

Thank You!!

Wow, what a crazy few days. I haven't posted in awhile. I have been really really busy. I graduated college and got a job!! I am now an Event Planner! I am sooo every excited. I start January 2, 2012. I am beyond Blessed I feel like. I am just amazed at the beauty of God's work in my life! I can't express how thankful I feel right now. I truly feel like the most Blessed girl on the planet! God works miracle's for sure! I seriously give Him all this glory! Thank you Lord for providing me with such an amazing opportunity as an awesome school that is up and coming. It is everything I've ever wanted!

THANK YOU!!!!

Philippians 4:16

Today is a good day! It's payday! :-) Always love those days.

I am officially a college graduate and it feels so weird. I am happy about the fact I got a B in Accounting and an A in Finance. I don't know any of my other grades yet, my teachers are so slow at posting grades. Its annoying.

Yesterday I went with Melissa (my future boss) to see how an event was ran. She wanted me to see what all went on and how it was run before she actually hired me I guess. After the event was done she asked if I was still interested and of course I said yes. She said she had a very busy week this week and her boss makes her call everyone's references so after she did that she would get back to me next week. She definitely made it seem like I got the job. I also received an email from someone who works there that on Sunday night at their Christmas party Melissa was bragging on me to everyone. She was saying how she felt like I was so qualified and had great experiences and all. She thought I'd be perfect. Of course that made me feel really good! Finally someone believes in me. Later on in the afternoon yesterday she sent me an email saying I needed to go fill out a background release form so they can do a background check on me. Her exact words were, "I want to get the ball rolling." AGH!!! I can't believe I'm going to have a job January 2, 2012. I just graduated and I'm going to have a job lined up right after school. I am so incredible Blessed. Thank you Lord! I cant even begin to describe how Blessed I feel right now. The Lord definitely watches out for me and keeps His hand over me. Just everything I've been through throughout high school and college...like He has been the strength for me. He has watched over me, protected me, and guided me through. There were so many times I wanted to give up, to quit, to just not even try anymore, but He gave me the strength to get through each day. "ONE DAY AT A TIME" is definitely what I live by and what helped me get through this. I don't understand how people don't believe in God. Like if they just saw all the miraculous things that happen to me, just in my life, not even everyone else on the planet, how can they not see there is a God and He is real?! It just baffles me to think people are that ignorant and naive. 

I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! -Philippians 4:16

Done With College

I took my last final ever today! I am officially done with college. I had finance today. I'm pretty confident I got an A on that. I'm anxious to see my grades now. They haven't posted any of them yet. I don't know why I always feel like I get the slowest teachers as far as posting grades. And only one of them uses blackboard so I can't even go on to see my grade that way. It feels good to be done though! I'm going to miss this though!

Carin Again

This girl Carin...the same one I was blogging about like last week is back again. I don't know what it is about her that Matt finds so fascinating. It makes me furious though and really upset. I wish he would respect that and not talk to her. He is always initiating conversations with her. He talks to her through email (his work email). He had logged onto his email on my computer and I saved it because the one time I did log on and check stuff...they'd been talking. So, this morning I logged on and sure enough he had sent her another message. It just isn't right. He doesn't say like "I wanna date you" type stuff but he is so flirty and she is so flirty back. He then blames ME and says I'm the ruining our relationship...which I don't understand. Of course I'm going to get mad he is talking to her. He KNOWS I don't like her, I don't want her talking to him, and I don't want him talking to her! He thinks that because I'm mad then I'm ruining things...when really he is the one ruining it by talking to her. He changed his password this morning which made me more mad because why else would he change it if he didn't have things to hide. He def has stuff to hide or he wouldn't have changed his password..he would have just been like, "Oh I'm so sorry it won't happen again, I'll leave my password to prove it to you." But nope. I get the totally opposite. He gets mad at me for it, changes his password, and tells me I'M the one freaking out and ruining everything...doesn't make any sense does it? NOPE!

Other than that...today has been awful. I didn't wake up until 11:00 and the first thing I saw was that..so I've just been worried and upset all day. I also did something I told myself I'd never do again. I hate it, I can't believe I did it...but I didn't have any other way of getting this anger out. I felt so mad, so hurt, and so destroyed that this would happen to me AGAIN, I shouldn't have resorted back to it...but in the moment it's all I could think about/do to calm myself down. I was hysterically crying already and I just had to do it. I'm to embarrassed to even write/type it out.

I'm at work now which has helped get my mind off everything...but it still bothers me. I thought Matt and I were doing so well. I thought we'd been through it all and understood what each other liked, disliked, what we wouldn't do because we loved and cared about the other person so much...but I guess I was completely wrong. I was very wrong, he still isn't as committed as I am and it makes me so sad. I want to marry this guy and I want to feel like I have nothing in the world to worry about but as of right now that isn't the case at all. I would still worry and wonder and that's not how a marriage should be. I wish he would see this!!!!

I feel so used when I think about all this. I know for a fact that if this were reversed then he would not still be with me after everything. He talks to her all the time, he almost kissed this girl one night, and it just is such a double standard because I can't say anything or he gets mad at me, and if I did this then he would break up with me. He doesn't think he does anything wrong and that is the part that gets me. He thinks its totally okay and everything is just fine if he apologizes. I know he doesn't mean it though or he wouldn't try and fight with me and blame me for it all and tell me how I'm the one ruining everything. If he was sorry, he would never send her messages in the first place. I just feel like he thinks he can get away with anything and I won't leave him. That isn't the case though. I will leave him if this doesn't stop, I won't put up with this the rest of my life. I don't deserve this at all. I want a guy that will be all into me and never think about other girls or want to flirt with them...and there are guys like that out there. Matt better get his act together!!!

Decemeber 11, 2011

Today marks Matt and I's 3 years and 2 months...but who is counting!? haha. I can't believe it's been this long. It feels like yesterday we met and went to the movies! I love him so much!!

Last night we went to the UNC game against Longbeach! It was for his birthday. We had alot of fun. We got there around 3:30ish, walked around on Franklin street, ate dinner, and went to the game. They won so it was good! We had a good time. It was nice to get out of town and just do something different! I think Matt had a good time as well.

I had my Accounting exam yesterday morning. It was 10 questions, 10 points each. I feel like I only got one whole question right. All the others I feel like I might have gotten a few points taken off. I just hope and pray that I end up with a B in that class. I'd be sooo happy with a B. I don't want to do anything spectacular...I just want a B so I can be on Dean's List my final semester. I am really anxious to see what my grade will be. Who knows when I'll find out though because he is the SLOWEST grader of all time. I don't know how he will meet the deadline of having grades turned in. I only have Finance left on Tuesday! Then I'm done!

I'm going shopping today with mom, so that should be fun and I always love our time together! :-)

I hate studying!

I've literally been studying all day long. I am so tired and can't focus anymore. I have two exams tomorrow. Economics and Marketing. Econ won't be that bad because I can have a sheet with any notes, formulas, etc I want on it. Marketing hopefully won't be to bad either. 60% of it is coming straight from our first three tests, so that is nice. I just am so tired from everything. This week has killed me. I've been so stressed and anxious with everything going that I'm just dead. I crash so fast. I need so much caffeine to keep me awake and alert. I just want this weekend to come and now! I'm SO ready! I have one exam on Saturday morning also, so around 11:30 on Saturday should come right now!

Christina had her interview today for the campus concierge job! I hope she gets it, she said it went really well so that is good! They kept her longer than the previous girl so that is also a good sign, she talks more, which I'm sure they like. I think she'd be great at the job so we shall see!

No news from anyone about my job and the one I interviewed for Monday. I'm beginning to just want to call them and be like, "what's up?! Who got it?!" haha, I wouldn't though. I just want to know! I hate not knowing.

I am so excited for Christmas!! I can't wait, like seriously it should be the best Christmas ever!!!! :-) Makes me soo happy thinking about it!

Last Day of Classes

Today is the last day of the semester. Exams start Friday and I have two Friday, one Saturday and one Tuesday...then I'm done done! It is so weird thinking I'll never sit in a classroom and take notes again and worry about tests/exams/quizzes/homework etc. It is just the weirdest feeling I've ever felt before. Never again will I do this. I don't know why this is just such a big thing for me. Maybe one day I'll be able to look back and think or see how this time effected me and why it effected me how it did. I just don't have any insight right now. Today is my last day of work (kind of). I don't have to work until Monday just from 3-5, then Wednesday from 3-5. I don't have to work tomorrow or Friday so it is going to be weird as well. Everything is just weird right now, I don't know how to explain it. I'm anxious and nervous...and I don't know why?

I have yet to hear anything from the job I interviewed for on Monday. I think I'm partly anxious about that as well. I want to know something, just anything! I wish they'd say, "We will let you know something by so and so!" Just so I have some clue about what is going on! I don't even know who else they are interviewing, how many people they are interviewing or anything. It bugs me. I hate not knowing things. I want to know who I'm going up against and what my chances are I'll get the job! I'd also like to know if I should keep looking for jobs. I haven't looked for any since Monday because I just feel confident about this which I hate because I should keep looking.

I need to start studying for exams, so bad. I've procrastinated ALL week which isn't like me at all. Normally I'd have most everything done by now. I just have this anxiety and I can't sit down and sit still. I feel like anxious and nervous all the time. I thought Monday it was just because I was interviewing that afternoon, but yesterday and today haven't been much better. I don't know what it is but it needs to go away. I have to much to do to worry about being anxious.

Waiting

Well my interview went well. I only met with him for like 10 minutes because he knew I had to be at work at 4:00 and he was late so we ended up only having limited time together. I feel like he liked me, he suggested I "shadow" or go with Melissa to an event to see what she does, how things work together, and the result of everything. I am excited about it. I'm going next Wednesday to watch and experience an event. I sent her a thank you email and she responded with having me fill out an application online. I feel like I have a good chance at this job, but I just don't know for sure. I feel like they wouldn't have me do all this extra stuff like fill out an application, go to an event next week if I wasn't going to get the job. Idk though, I could be totally wrong. They may want to see how I'll interact with people, if I'll step up and help, or what? I am just ready to hear something. I hate waiting. I constantly check my email for stuff, but nada.

Other than that, work is still going well. We have been really busy this week which is good..makes time go by faster. Tomorrow is the last day of classes. So weird to be done with classes for forever. It's a good thing though, I feel like I've done something and accomplished something. :-)

Freaking Out!

I'm pretty much freaking out right now. I've been so nervous all day long. I can't seem to calm down and just take a deep breath in and relax. I never get this way! I never am THIS nervous for an interview. I guess because of all the hype I've made it and how much I've talked about it to so many people. Well, just Matt, mom and dad, and Christina...but still. I never talk about interviews, phone conversations with people, or anything this much..and for a good reason..because this happens. I get myself all nervous and basically a wreck. I have this interview in 45 minutes. I'm soooo paranoid of what he will ask me, what I will say back (because who knows what will come out of my mouth on the spot), and if I will sweat, shake, seem uncomfortable, Friday when I was interviewing I just got really hot, and my hands were getting sweaty/sticky haha. I just hope/pray it goes well! I'm just a nervous wreck right now. I'm trying to keep calm...but I am getting more nervous as time goes on. I've been nervous since around 9 this morning. I hate this!!! AGH, I want it to get over with and be 4:00. I work at 4:00 so I know it has to be over by then! We will see! I want this job so bad, and yet I'm scared at the same time! This always happens to me. Lord, please give me the confidence, strength, and words during this interview!!!!

Time With Mom

I spent my day today with mom. She picked me up around 12:30, we went to lunch, then did a lot of Christmas shopping together. I really enjoy spending time with her and our Saturday "outings." I just love the time, talks, and memories we create. I look up to her and think she is the most amazing women I have ever met. She is so smart, and she has so much advice for me, and she is always so excited to hear about my life, my week, what goes on, she is just always so interested in me. She is seriously the ONLY person in my life who genuinely seems excited for me and interested in me. My dad cares, I know he does, but he just doesn't even show it. He is a very busy man running his business and I always am on the back burner. My sister is there, she cares, but she doesn't seem to care as much as my mom. My mom just seems so proud of me and who I am, where I am going, what I have accomplished, and she just really is the only one who I call and tell good news, or who I look forward to talking to because I know she will listen. She always has such great advice for me, she knows what to say when I'm down, how to cheer me up, she knows/senses when things aren't right with me, she is just always there to lift me up. I seriously hope I can be 1/2 as good of a mom as she has been to my sister and I. She genuinely wants the best for me/us. She would do anything in the world to make Christina and Is life a better one than she had. She would give up everything for us. I just can't even begin to thank her enough or show her how much I appreciate her and how much I love her. One day I know we won't have these Saturday outings and I just want to cherish each and every second I have with her. She is just such an amazing women. She has built up such a great life for herself and our family. It is definitely because of my mom our family is the way we are. She holds everything together in times of tribulation, she makes everyone happy and get along, she keeps calm and collected even when there are big things going on, she never shows she is worried or anything, she always seems to think everything will be okay and she reassures us that it will. I just hope I can be like her when I become a mom! I hope and pray God gives me 1/2 the qualities she has. I love my mom so much! <3

Interview

My interview today went soooo well! I am so happy, I am in the best mood ever! I really really hope and pray I get this job! It would mean the WORLD to me! I am meeting with another guy (the girls boss today) on Monday at 3:00 so I guess she really liked me since she already set up another interview with her boss. I really pray it goes well. I am going to try really hard to prepare and do my best. Today she told me about the position. It is an entry level position doing event planning. I would handle all the IDS events which is speakers, concerts, things like that who come to campus and do productions for the students. I would also work closely with admissions and handling the family, alumni, open-house weekends. I would work commencement. I basically would have a part of everything that goes on on the campus. I am SO excited. It is seriously the PERFECT job for me! I am so excited she liked me to get me an interview with her boss (who is right under our President).

I was so excited and called my dad to tell him about the interview, and he barely had anything to say to me except if he offers me the job on Monday to say I will get back to him. WTF? Why wouldn't I just take the job? I mean it's a job I really want!! He hung up on me onetime during the conversation and the other time that's all he said then he said he HAD to take a phone call! I don't talk to him like all week, I call him with exciting news, and he has nothing to say! I really got down about that, it made me really sad. I wish he seemed more interested in my life and a job opportunity. My mom was happy and all, so it made up for it, but still :-( Kind of made me really depressed. I thought he would be proud...but no!

Change

As I'm sure you are aware, I'm graduating in about two weeks. I am really anxious about it. I am so excited that I have completed college, gotten a degree, and now I'm moving onto finding a job and being more independent. That is the exciting part, I accomplished one of my goals in life. The scary part is I am moving home, I don't have a job yet (and I hate the unknown), I will be without support from Lynda or anyone, and I just don't have any idea what is next for me. I hate change, I hate it, I hate it, I hate it. I hate it more than you can even possible imagine. I am definitely a girl of comfort and not stepping outside my comfort zone. I try to think back and remember I went to college. If I can do that, then I can do anything. College is a HUGE change. I was so excited for it though, I'm not so excited about graduating. I guess if I had a plan then it would make me feel better, but as of right now there is nothing so what is there to be excited about?

I met with Dr. Dansie yesterday. She is "worried" about me. I just love when people tell me that. I am fully aware I do not take care of my body the way I "should" and I don't need you to reiterate that I'm slowly but surely killing myself. That's not exactly something I want to hear. I met with her for the last time. I can't see her anymore since I'm graduating and the school won't pay for her. I could still see her, for 100.00 per HALF hour! How ridiculous. That is an outrageous amount of money for me to pay to see someone who only see's me for literally like 15 minutes and just writes me a prescription. No thanks! She wants me to go see a Doctor regularly and see Lynda in her private practice in Winston. Lynda is only 60.00 per/hr. I could handle that once a month. I only see her now once a month anyways. I just don't like feeling like I'm just being thrown into the ocean and given nothing but weights on my feet and people telling me to just survive. I feel like I'm kicking harder and harder but I'm getting tired and soon I'll just sink. :-( I know it sounds bad, but it's how I honestly feel like now at this point in life. I just feel so alone and like nothing matters anymore. I want to find a job SO bad, I want something to keep me motivated, I want to feel like I have a purpose and like someone/something needs me and relies on me. If I just go home with nothing, I'm going to relapse. I am already struggling so much and fighting just hoping something gives me motivation to stay healthy. I hate how I need stuff like a job, friends, school, things to make me feel motivated. Why can't I just think I'm worth it to not die? I just don't think that way.

I have an interview today! I'm really excited about this one! I just hope it works out. I found out about the position yesterday and applied and already heard back! I am just praying, praying, praying this works out! It would SERIOUSLY be the PERFECT job for me! I hope it goes well!

CARIN

Doesn't that name just sound evil, satanic, and like a demon?! Who names their kid CARIN? The only other Carin I know, literally worships the devil. This girl is pretty much the same way! I seriously wish she would die. I hate her guts, I hate who she is, I hate her living in NORTH CAROLINA...much less in the triad..she needs to move to CA! I wish she would get fired! I hate how she flirts with MY boyfriend, and he will flirt back (but that's a different story). I hate how she thinks she is the shit, I hate how she thinks she is just sooooooooooooooooo pretty. I hate how she thinks she can have whoever she wants....but lemme tell ya, she goes for some gross guys probably cuz she knows she can't get anyone decent. I just wish she would leave my boyfriend alone. She needs to understand that I don't like her, I don't want her talking with Matt, and I will say something to her! She crosses the boundaries sooo much and I'm getting really sick and tired of it. I've put up with her over a year now and I think it's to the point I need to say something. She just is the biggest flirt and it needs to stop. I will confront her, I'm not scared. I hate how she always creeps back into matt's life somehow, someway! She needs to get her OWN friends, her OWN life, and stop living through me. I know she wishes she had Matt...but she needs to BACK THE EFF OFF!


WHEW...I feel better!